How many men out there have ever felt like they have been betrayed and fallen victim to a woman?
How many women out there have ever felt like they have been betrayed or fallen victim to a man?
In times of hardship, it is natural for most people (men and women) to blame others for the result of an undesired outcome.
When feelings and emotions towards another person become the source of our thinking and behavior, we tend to point the finger and blame others when things do not work out in our favor.
This is a natural law of human nature - blaming others and playing the victim in the midst of hardship as a defense mechanism.
Our defense mechanisms are deeply rooted in our DNA - when posed with imminent threat, we think of a way out to save ourselves from danger.
Being as that we are social and emotional beings, our own defense mechanisms are also rooted in our insecurities.
We tend not to think about the things we did wrong, especially in romantic relationships when things tend to go south.
If a man or a woman cheats, it is natural for someone to point the finger and say they were the problem and they were at fault for their choice of infidelity.
In the beginning of every new relationship, there is a sense of excitement.
The journey of discovering things about someone new is fresh and exciting.
When we are genuinely interested in another person, we want to get to know more about them.
We are most vulnerable in this stage because of our new and profound sense of excitement and interest in another person, especially when we feel like their interest in us is reciprocated.
In the beginning stages, we tend to think more about what the person is saying and pay less attention to their behavior.
What people fail to realize is that most people will tell you who they are right off the bat based off of their behavior and their past behavior cycles.
If a person has a past repeated history of being the victim in every relationship they have ever had (always blaming the other person), then you are very well dealing with somebody who lacks the ability to take accountability for their actions.
If a person has admitted to you that they have cheated in past relationships, then you can guarantee the probability of them cheating on you is significantly higher, regardless if it may see like they genuinely like you or not.
Human behavior is a cyclic pattern and people almost never only do something one time - if they did it once, the probability of them doing it again is significantly higher.
We see this a lot when people choose to go back to their exes after a breakup, which is something almost every single one of us has done before at some point.
It becomes a pattern because we like to go back to things that we are familiar and comfortable with.
The problem we have is that we like to take peoples word for things, especially when we like the person.
We empathize with people easier when we feel an emotional connection towards them.
If someone has had a rough past history, we feel more sorry for them because we like them.
We like to believe that because someone is interested in us that there would be little to no chance of them trying to pull a fast one on us.
The truth is, people never lie, regardless if they verbally lie to us.
People always express who they truly are through their actions, especially in the beginning.
When things are fresh and exciting, we take more of what the person is saying as their truth instead of looking deep into their actions and past behavior patterns.
I have said this before in some of my older blog posts - you can tell a lot about a person based off of who they are friends with and who they hang out with on a regular basis.
The people we choose to be friends with and spend the most time around are the ones that have the greatest influence on us and our behavior.
If a woman is friends with other women that are promiscuous or unhappy in their relationships, then you can bet that she is also on the promiscuous side and will also be unhappy in her relationships.
If a man is friends with other men that cheat on their significant others and party all of the time, then you can bet he is going to be influenced by that same kind of behavior.
When life gets real in a relationship, people will often run to their friends seeking for advice, and this is why it is important to see what kind of people the person you are dealing with is friends with.
Do their friends genuinely support you and your guys relationship together?
Or are they just going to tell them everything they want to hear?
For the men out there - women never lie!
A woman will tell you who she is from the very beginning by her actions.
She will display her red flags from the start through her actions, and her behavior in the past and present.
If things go south with her, it is because you chose to ignore her red flags from the very beginning.
This is where self-accountability comes into the mix because when things go south, we like to think other people are the source of our unhappiness when the reality is, the said person expressed who they truly were from the beginning and we chose to ignore it because of our intense feelings towards them.
If the woman you are interested in only talks about herself and makes it seem like the reason why her past relationships didn't work out was because of the faults of others, then you can guarantee you are in the presence of a deep narcissist.
For the ladies out there, the same holds true for men.
Even the most deceptive men out there will tell you who they truly are from the beginning.
Put what they are telling you aside and look at their actions - who they are hanging out with regularly, if they going out partying all of the time, playing the victim for their past failed relationships, only talking about themselves, doing things to solely boost their own ego etc.
The premise of this post is for people to understand the importance of taking self-accountability for when things do not go their way in relationships.
In today's world, dating is harder than it has ever been before and it is partially due to cultural influence and the ease of accessibility of others through platforms like social media.
People today are more driven by giving in to their hedonistic short term gratification, then by working hard towards achieving a long term goal.
People will always show you who they truly are through their actions and past behaviors, you just can't be oblivious to it because of your feelings towards them and the words they tell you.