I know you have been down that road before...
You meet somebody that you end up dating, it doesn't work out the way you had hoped, you breakup, you're sad after the breakup, immediately try dating other people, don't like dating other people, and then call your ex.
I think this is something that every single one of us has experienced in our lives, some more than others.
I have spoken about this specific topic in past blog post's but today, I want to dive a little bit deeper into why it is so natural for people dating in the modern world constantly find themselves going back to their exes.
The first reason why someone would go back to their ex is familiarity - it is someone that they are used to.
In fact, most of us are attracted to and continue to attract people that we are familiar with, typically due to a lack of self-awareness of our own behavior.
I have discovered patterns in behavior that are extremely common amongst other people.
It all starts with one's childhood and the family setting they had growing up.
If a child grows up without a father, they never get to experience the role of the father in a family unit and oftentimes have no idea what having that type of male figure around is even like.
When men grow up without a father, they have never experienced the role of the father in the household and his impact that he has on the mother - this will often effect his future relationships, and will he will attract women that will take advantage of him in some way, shape, or form.
When women grow up without a father or a poor fatherly figure, they spend their entire lives searching for the love they never got as a child and oftentimes end up attracting men that give them the lack of love that they are familiar with.
But the reality of it is, the love that women want is completely unfamiliar to them and it doesn't matter how hard a man tries, he is never going to change that.
When highly insecure women realize that you are the emotional support they want, they will sabotage it and seek the toxic partner they are familiar with.
This is why insecure women are most likely talking to more than one man at one time and this is something men need to be aware of.
Most women are always going to revert back to the love that is familiar to them, not the genuine love that she truly seeks from a man.
This is oftentimes why women end up settling because the love that they think they want is unfamiliar to them and they are less attracted to the man that has the love that they are looking for.
There is a good reason why I talk about many of the things that I do here on this platform.
Men should never be a woman's security blanket so that she can come back to you every time it doesn't work out with another man.
As a man, you need to have boundaries and standards set in place and not be willing to accept poor behavior.
Its taken me awhile to come to this realization but this is exactly why we work on building ourselves, so that we can learn from our mistakes.
Now that we have taken a look at the women's side, let's take a look at the men's side.
When men revert back to their exes, it is because they too suffer from a deep rooted insecurity.
Men are also chasing the love that is familiar to them because the thought of letting go and having to start over with someone else is daunting.
It is important that we recognize the similarity here.
The point being is that we often do stupid shit like going back to exes when we are insecure and don't quite know how to deal with it.
When a man is insecure, he is often chasing women that have proven to him that they do not respect him.
The insecure man will almost beg a woman that doesn't respect him to stay with him and this is why men will choose to go back to their exes.
This does not go without mentioning that men will also choose to go back to their exes for sex because it is easy for us when it is with someone we are already comfortable with.
What many people often don't realize is that men have to work for sex when sex is presented to the woman.
A man having to go back out into the dating scene just to get sex will feel like a chore.
This is an important point for women to take note of about men, especially when it comes to your exes.
We like to think that going back to our exes is "true love" even when there is a clear line of disrespect.
We have all been there, including myself.
As I have grown and continue to grow, I realize just how toxic such behavior has become in modern culture.
I have learned through my failed experiences that if a woman clearly disrespects me, then I remove myself from her and carry on with my life.
The key here, however, is learning because many people often do not learn from their mistakes.
It is mind boggling how many people will take part in shitty behavior and know what they are doing is wrong but still do it anyway.
It is almost as if people enjoy putting themselves in bad situations that don't ever get any better because of a genuine lack of self-control.
Sure, we have all done things we knew in that moment we shouldn't have done, I know for a fact that I have, but if we continue to do the same shit over and over again and expect different results, then we lack the capacity to learn new things.
There is no such thing as learning one's lesson when their own behavior cannot change to acquire a different outcome.
If all you have ever done is take back your exes and you do nothing to stop the patterned behavior, then you will continue to go back to your exes.
Going back to someone who does not respect you is never the answer, but oftentimes people who go back to people that do not respect them do so because they do not respect themselves.
You cannot sit here and expect the person you are with to truly respect you if you do not respect yourself first.
I am speaking to men directly here - when a woman blatantly disrespects you, this is your sign to walk away and continue building yourself into a better man until you eventually find a woman that does respect you, your goals, and your mission.
To women - when a man blatantly disrespects you and tries to manipulate you into believing the "you're the one" for him, then you must be willing to turn your logical brain on and understand that disrespect is not acceptable.
When one sets boundaries for themselves because they hold themselves to a high standard and those boundaries are communicated, then this lowers the bar for expectation because there will be no surprises when you walk away at the first sign of disrespect.
Either shit or get off the pot.
Either take me and this relationship seriously, or I will walk away and I will not come back.
This is self-respect.
This doesn't go without mentioning that if you have friends encouraging you to get back with someone who disrespects you, then you need new friends.
Shitty friends will always give you the worst advice and tell you everything that you want to hear because they don't want to see you do better than them.
If you want others to respect you, then you must respect yourself first.
If you are having a hard time getting over someone, use it as fuel to make yourself into a better version of yourself.
Exes need to stay exes for a reason, so that you can move on with your life and continue to grow and attract more genuine things into your life.
Do not give in to your simplest desires because you think it is a good idea for you in the moment when life is long.