Why Childhood Matters

One of the biggest things that people need to understand when it comes to dating in modern culture is that you are always competing against another person's childhood.

Whether you are a man or a woman, many of the things that we experience at the earliest ages end up influencing our behaviors later in life.

Typically, when it comes to having a stable and loving household as a child where both parents are doing their part in caring for the child, loving it, and protecting it, the child will have a better understanding of what it means to love and be loved later in life.

However, when one or both parents are missing from a child's life, everything they know and understand about love is paired to some form of abandonment.

All the child knows growing up is that they didn't have a mother or they didn't have a father and their ability to love and be loved becomes lost due to a lack of what they did not receive as a child.

This lack of love and protection often influences poor behaviors later in life.

For example, if a man grows up without a father, he never truly learns anything about being a man until everything slaps him in the face later in life.

What I mean by this is, when a man grows up without a father, he has no-one to role model or teach him how to be a man.

He has no-one to teach him to control his anger and his emotions, how to deal with stress, or proper discipline.

This is also why the percentage of men in prison that were raised by single mothers is so high.

The lack of having discipline from another man will greatly impact the man later on in life because mothers are not typically seen as disciplinarians.

This is not to say that mothers can't be disciplinarians, but it is less likely than having a man in the house.

When a single mother is faced with having to be the protector and the provider, the tendency always leans towards trying to protect the child from anything and everything.

Being as that I myself was raised by a single mother, I can speak on this personally, even though I got my ass beat plenty as a child.

But truth be told, I never had a man to look up to and teach me things.

In fact, everything that I know now is a result of me having to figure it all out for myself.

I have taught myself how to be disciplined, consistent, and focused on my goals and things that I tell myself that I am going to do.

I have learned myself that when it comes to making commitments, there is no other option other then to see them through and give my best effort.

When it comes to dating for men without a father growing up, it can effect them greatly in the types of women they choose to be in relationships with.

Being as that the man did not have a role model growing up to see how a loving husband is to treat his wife, it will have negative effects for when he eventually starts dating as he ages.

For women, the lack of a father plays a completely different role because the lack of a father will not only influence her behavior later in life, it will greatly effect the types of men she attracts into her life.

When a woman grows up with a chaotic childhood or without a father, she is more likely to end up seeking male attention the older she gets.

It is to no-one's surprise that there is a direct correlation with promiscuous women often not having a fatherly figure growing up.

When a woman grows up without the masculine presence of a protector and provider, the idea of a true protector provider is foreign to her when it comes to dating men.

Women inherently all know that they want a man that is capable of being a genuine, and loyal protector/provider, but when a woman has never experienced what that is like from the time she is young, she often attracts men that are the complete opposite as she gets older.

The reason why women end up seeking male validation later in life is because they are searching for the love and attention that they never got as children.

This is why when it comes to dating in modern culture, you are always competing against someone else's childhood.

When a child grows up with lots of love and a stable family home, they are much more capable of finding love and having genuine relationships then someone who grew up with a chaotic childhood.

The lack of love from parents for the child and for each other, both play a huge role in that child's ability to find genuine love later in life.

When people suffer from abandonment issues, they are constantly seeking for attention and validation from others.

This is exactly why women become promiscuous because once a woman becomes addicted to seeking attention from men, she is only living for the short term gratification of what that attention is able to give her in that moment.

This does not go without mentioning that the lack of a mother for both men and women is also detrimental to the child's ability to feel loved and nurtured.

If a man grows up without ever having a woman nurture him and love him, a loving and nurturing woman is going to be completely foreign to him.

If a woman grows up without a mother, she has no-one to role model off of to learn how to be a feminine women.

It is important to remember that the more trauma a child has been through, the more defensive they will become as they get older.

Much of childhood trauma becomes insecurities as an adult.

Not getting enough of this or getting too much of that plays interesting effects on the brain and its ability to influence behavior.

Insecurities are often what influence our behavior when we have not learned to deal with things properly.

The more chaotic the childhood, the more insecure a person will naturally become.

This doesn't make people who are highly insecure bad people because every human on earth is insecure about something.

What separates people from being successful in having the things they want and the people who don't have the things they want is how they are able to deal with their insecurities.

Everybody is capable of changing if they are willing to do the work necessary - this means change of behavior from things that are destructive, to things that are productive.