The other day, we talked about one's ability to identify their weaknesses and build them into strengths.
Today, I want to talk about one particular thing that can be seen as both a strength and a weakness, and that thing is kindness.
Kindness is a broad trait for a person to possess because on one side, kindness has the ability to make you a respectable human when interacting with others, but on the other, kindness can make you appear to be more passive to some people.
I will first start off by saying, you have absolutely nothing to lose by being kind and respectful to other people.
For example, a simple gesture of holding the door open for a stranger when out in public can be seen as a kind gesture.
Asking the person at the checkout register how their day is going could just put them in a better mood if they are having a shit day.
The truth is, you never know who are going to impact or how you are going to impact them, so it is important to always lead with kindness.
For personal relationships and friendships, leading with kindness is ultimately how you begin to build trust and respect.
Even something as simple as how you talk to a partner or a friend or a family member, will allow them to be more comfortable around you when you are kind to them.
What I think is important for people to know is that men are tender on the inside and a man's ability to be soft and nurturing in certain cases is what makes him respectable to others.
Today, you see a lot of men on social media walking around and beating their chests like gorillas in the wild saying that you need to be hard to be respected.
That might work for some, but for most, people get tired of being around those kinds of men.
Leading with kindness but also knowing how to be firm is how men become respected.
The problem with kindness is that if you only lead with kindness and you lack the firmness, people will see this as a chink in your amour and they will try and exploit your weakness.
Sometimes, all it takes is enough people to try and take advantage of your kindness before you develop the firmness.
It is important to note that just because people may have exploited your kindness in the past and you allowed them to do so, doesn't mean that you become a full-blown hard ass and walk around being a prick to people.
You need to be able to look at your past mistakes and realize that people exploited your kindness because you allowed them.
If you do not allow people to exploit your kindness for weakness, you will know where those people will fit into your life.
Kindness with firmness is strength, whereas kindness is with no firmness can be exploited and manipulated.
Think about it this way, let's say you are talking to someone who you really like and could see as potential to date.
You have everything in the world to gain by being kind and being respectful to this person because that is who you are - you are a gentleman, or you are a lady.
But as soon as the other person begins to distance themselves from you, especially in the early stages, it is because they are trying to exploit your kindness to see what they can and cannot get away with.
This is where being firm is important because you must be willing to respectfully walk away from someone who tries to mistake your kindness for weakness, regardless if you really like them or not.
Unless this person is willing to conform to your standards, it is not worth your time trying to explain yourself to someone who truly doesn't want anything to do with you.
This is especially important for men to understand because this is how men find themselves trapped as a so-called "security blanket", which is one if the worst possible spots for a man to be in.
You showed this woman respect, you were kind to her, she was all over you at first, and now she is starting to distance herself from you, but she still comes to you for attention when it is convenient for her because you were nice to her.
She is no longer coming to you because she wants you, she is coming to you because she knows that you are kind and respectful, and she can get the attention she is looking for from you.
This is exactly what the term "security blanket" means - the person only comes knocking on your door when they want your attention, without actually wanting anything to do with you.
In other words, they are keeping their options open, but still trying to string you along.
This is where a man needs to be firm and not allow his kindness to be exploited in such a way that is only beneficial to one party.
Your kindness to someone else should make the both of you feel good.
But if you are showing kindness to someone else and they go fuck off right after, you are going to feel like shit and wonder why you are being so nice to someone who doesn't respect you.
Make it known that people are not to mistake your kindness for weakness because you do not have a problem removing yourself from people or situations that do not serve your purpose or your mission.
People who respect you will stick around, and people that do not will weed themselves out of the picture.
It doesn't go without mentioning that self-respect is a key ingredient for being able to be kind, and also be firm.
This goes for everyone, whether you are a man or a woman.
You must be able to respect yourself and your own time because the more you respect yourself, the easier it will be to distinguish between people who respect you and your time, and people who don't.