Heartbreak is inevitable for everyone - we all experience at one point or another in our lives.
We have spoken about the difference between men and women when it comes to heartbreak and how we handle it in previous posts, but today I want to hone in on something specific when the time comes and you have to deal with heartbreak - and that is letting the person go.
We often find ourselves living in what may seem like a helpless culture - between dating apps and social media, and other things of this nature that have essentially programmed humans to have a false sense of options, which has led to a hyper-sexualized society and "hook up" culture.
When people experience heartbreak, they are right back on the dating apps, or setting up another date with someone else in your DM looking for an immediate pleasure spike.
Oftentimes, people find themselves going through a period of dating other people, just to go back to their ex that already proved they weren't the one for them.
Let's be honest, most of us are guilty of this.
Most of us have gotten our hearts broken and ended up back with that same person at one point or another, whether it is a few weeks later, a few months later, or even a year or two later.
The point is, we all have done it...
If you have experienced this before, you know as well as I do that the second or even third time around is never the same as the first - point being, feelings change over time, especially if it was a toxic relationship.
The love you have for someone when it's brand new is going to be different from the love you have for them after one of you have cheated on the other countless times, or the two of you just flat out can't get along.
Which often begs the question: why are we like this?
Why do we end up choosing to go back to people with who we experienced heartbreak, just to do it all over again with the same person?
I think it is a variety of different reasons, mostly being a lack of self-confidence.
When you get to know someone and you get used to them, the thought of having to go through the entire process all over again with someone new may seem daunting to some.
But to most, it is really just a matter of choosing what is familiar to them - the path of least resistance.
As we have discussed in previous blogs about most people today living in a constant state of flight in our encoded fight or flight response - being as that most people are constantly living in a state of reaction causing them to make decisions based off of their feelings and their emotions, instead of their logic.
It is exceptionally hard for most people to fathom the thought of just taking some time alone to figure themselves out, and it oftentimes results in people reacting based off of how they feel in that moment.
You're feeling lonely *calls their ex*.
You realize that hooking up with people on dating apps isn't fulfilling anymore *calls their ex*.
You found someone new on a dating app who you met a week after having your heart broken, date this person for a few months and realize they aren't at all who you wanted *calls their ex*.
The point that I am trying to make is, modern day society has essentially programmed an environment for people to fail in their relationships.
With everyone being so accessible in today's day in age, whether it is on social media or via dating apps, people have lost sight of real values.
People have completely lost sight on what actual value they bring to the table and would rather waste their time dating as many people as possible.
A lot of times, people can find themselves in this sort of position because of heartbreak.
It is to no surprise that most women today experience heartbreak and somehow find a new boyfriend a week or two later.
Men are guilty of this too, but most of the time men are just trying to find sex after a breakup, not another serious relationship.
Men use sex as a way to try and mask the pain inside to hopefully relieve the thought of losing the girl he loved.
What most women don't know about men is that if a man had true feelings for you, he is still thinking about you long after you guys breakup.
For women, it is slightly different and I believe it has to do with their emotions and forming new emotional connections with other men.
If a woman experiences heartbreak and she goes right back out into the dating scene, she can find a new man to latch onto almost instantly - I have seen this many times before.
But the problem that women have is that if they do this enough times, they eventually end up damaging their hormonal structure to be able to feel anything with a man at all.
I believe this is often why people always end up talking to their exes because they are afraid to move on, they are lonely, or they just lack the ability to feel any sort of emotional attachment so they go back to what is familiar to them.
Some people might think that it is "love" when you go back to someone you are familiar with because it didn't work out with someone else, but I strongly disagree.
If it was real love, you would have worked for it, period.
If it was real love, you would have done what you had to do to build yourselves and build together. but you didn't.
Instead, you decided to go out and fuck other people because it's probably been awhile since you had something new, realized you weren't going to feel anything with the few people you met on dating apps, and went back to what you are familiar with because it is what you know and are used to, just to find yourself in the same situation you were in before with the same person.
I have seen and experienced this one too many times in my life to know that there is absolutely no way this can be true love.
If a woman who claimed to love me, goes and finds a new man weeks after a breakup, I know it's because she never loved me and this is a realization that most men have when they are stuck thinking about the one woman they truly loved is already off with another man.
Granted, I am sure some women have experienced this with men before as well but as I stated above, most of the time it is for sex.
It is extremely rare for a man to jump right back into another serious relationship after ending one - it is possible, but like I said, it's mostly for sex.
So this begs the question: what is one to do in this situation?
What is one to do after they experience heartbreak?
From my personal experience, I have found as I have gotten older that the best thing you can do when you experience heartbreak or the loss of someone you cared about is to just let them go...
I know it sounds cliche, but it is the truth.
With social media being what it is now, it is nearly impossible to just let someone go without having access to them, but it is the only answer I have found to actually work.
Many times, people will block you from their stuff to keep communications between each other cut off and that is often for the best.
Back in a time before computers, cellphones, and social media, whenever someone had a heartbreak, they just never saw that person ever again - they lost communication and never saw each other again.
Think of how much you would love someone if you never saw them or heard from them ever again.
Think of how much you would love someone if you didn't have these false sense of options between the dating apps and social media.
The point is, I think true love is few and far in between in today's culture.
People think that by being insecure and being on dating apps is going to set them up to find the love of their lives when in all reality, it is a last ditch effort to set you on a path of just settling for whatever you can get.
The best thing anybody could EVER do, is work to build themselves into a man or woman of value.
If you actually focus and work on things that you could bring to the table, you will then be accepting and actually have something to offer someone who has something to offer you.
If you focus on dating a bunch of people looking for your "soulmate", you are just going to find yourself settling for whatever opportunity makes sense to you in that moment, until one day you wake up and realize it doesn't make sense to you anymore and you're right back on the dating apps and shooting your shot in someone's DM's.
Heartbreak is something that we all go through and it's impossible to not experience at least once in your lifetime.
How one chooses to cope with it will determine how valuable they become to someone else at some point in the future.
The best thing anyone can do is to let the person go, focus on building yourself and your value, staying OFF of the dating apps, and build confidence.
When you build confidence within yourself and what value you actually have to offer someone instead of looking for what others have to offer you, it will allow you to think and behave differently when it comes time to be in another relationship.
The worst thing you can do is resort to things like dating apps or social media in hopes of being able to find "the one".
If you have genuine value to offer others and you are in a place that is accepting of something genuine from another person, you will attract each other because like I have said a million times - you will always attract what you put out.