While I do not consider myself to be a dating guru, I often find people asking me questions and advice on dating. To be honest, I have no idea why because in my opinion, I have not had the true dating experience that most people have had.
I have spent a majority of my life single, but one thing I will say is that I have experienced dating different women from different places.
The thing with me is, I have been through enough good and bad with dating, and I have had plenty of time to think about things from the amount of time I have spent alone.
It seems to me that when it comes to most other people, those who end up heartbroken don't take the time to sit and actually analyze the situation.
Most people get into relationships hoping for the end goal, end up heartbroken, start looking for the next person to spend their lives with, or they just end up in a repetitive toxic cycle with the same person and never have any control over protecting their own peace.
One thing that I have learned in my life, is that every person that comes into your life is there to teach you a lesson. Every single person, whether it is a good experience or a bad experience, is meant to teach you something about yourself, about life, and the things you truly deserve.
I would argue that most people never take this time to truly self-reflect on the types of situations they put themselves in. It is important to be able to self-reflect because your past will have an effect on your future if you cannot analyze things about yourself and be able to recognize simple behavior patterns in others.
I believe the worst thing a person could do is go into a relationship with the expectation of marrying them or spending the rest of their lives with them. This is the end goal - this is what most people want out of being in a relationship with someone. But setting unrealistic expectations too early on will blind you simply because you are caught up in your own emotions.
The fact of the matter is, if someone is meant to be a part of your life, they will make the effort to do so.
If someone is meant to be a part of your life, they need to be able to prove to you time and time again that they are worthy of your trust and respect.
Getting too caught up in your own emotions or rushing into a relationship due to your own desperation, will leave you constantly looking for something out of someone who hasn't paid their dues.
So, let's talk about red flags - what they are, how to identify them, and how to act accordingly.
A red flag can be represented a few different ways - mainly being a simple change in behavior, or some form of self-absorbed character.
Self-absorbed character is pretty straight forward and can be identified early on if you pay close attention.
Self-absorbed individuals typically talk a a big game, and walk a different game. In today's world, it is easy to identify self-absorbed individuals simply if they are obsessed with their looks. This I do know from personal experience through women I have dated, and even myself with bodybuilding. When someone is constantly obsessed with the way they look, there is a layer of anxiety constantly creeping in the back of their minds and they end up making poor, selfish decisions as a result.
Self-absorbed individuals words and actions typically never align. These are individuals that have zero confidence, and willingness to do the things they say and say the things that they do.
Some people label these kinds of individuals as narcissists. Whatever you want to call them, self-absorbed people will always choose themselves before they choose anyone else, and that is due to deep rooted insecurity.
Being able to identify change in behavior is the next big red flag indicator.
Identifying change in behavior can sometimes take a little bit longer simply because people fresh into a relationship enjoy the first few months in their honeymoon phase, and then people's true intentions begin to creep through the wickets.
Fortunately for me, this is something I have become a master at. I can identify simple changes in behavior early on due to many of my past experiences. I also know what true pure intentions genuinely feel like, and when they don't.
Genuine interest is the first indicator. One day someone is interested in you, and the next day they're barely saying a word, watering down your conversations, etc. This can happen in patterns - maybe someone is interested in you for a month or a couple of months, and then all of the sudden they either drop off the face of the earth, or they simply stop making an effort.
As a man, this is extremely easy to identify. As I wrote about before in my blog "How to Tell if a Woman is Interested in You", it is very easy to know if a woman is genuinely interested in you or not simply because all she wants to do is talk to you, see you, and get to know you. If a woman is playing hard-to-get, she either wants you to chase her, or she is leaving her options open for other men. When a woman is genuinely interested in a man, she wants that man's attention and his attention only.
For women, this may be a little bit more difficult to identify. Part of the reason I believe it is more difficult for women to identify is because most women don't have any idea what a true gentleman is. If a man is nice to them, they think the world of him when he hasn't truly done anything to prove to her that he is who he says he is.
As I have said before, it is to no-one's surprise that men have progressively gotten weaker and today's generation of men don't even know simple manners.
Most women today have no idea what it is like to be treated the way they are supposed to by a man and constantly end up heartbroken, insecure, desperate, and naturally end up taking the more masculine path in life to fill the void.
It is important for people to be able to identify red flags and act accordingly. As I have stated before, when it comes to having the right people in your life, everything is about an equal exchange of value.
If someone truly isn't bringing you the value you are giving them, you need to be able to identify it and walk away - you must learn to accept what is for you and what isn't.
I have learned what is for me and what isn't. If a woman that I am interested in doesn't express that same level of interest, then I will walk away. If a woman changes the way she converses with me, I will be able to identify it and walk away. If I am with a woman and her actions do not line up with the things that she says, I will be able to identify it and walk away.
I am at a point in my life where I have no problem walking away from people that genuinely do not want to be a part of my life, or bring me no value. I have shit to do, goals to reach, and an endless amount of work to be completed then to sit here and waste my time trying to make someone want to be a part of my life.
I care more about protecting my peace, and until I am at a point in my life where I am proud of what I have to offer and find a woman that protects my peace, I will continue to go about my days doing the things that must be done, to get me to where I want to be in my life.
You must be able to pay attention, recognize the things that people say, what they do, and do the things that you need to do to protect your peace.
Whoever is meant to be a part of your life - whoever is meant to be your other half will continue to show up and prove to you that they are the one that is supposed to be there.