We hear a lot about toxic masculinity in today's culture.
We have discussed in-depth in our early blog post's about this concept, and as a refresher, let us revisit back to some of our earlier posts.
I will say it like it is, masculinity is not toxic.
In fact, true masculinity to its core is exactly what gives men strength, courage, wisdom, and the capabilities necessary to be a leader in his home and to society.
The role of the protector/provider is an exceptionally large responsibility for a man to take on, and he needs to be well-equipped with the right skills and knowledge to be capable of fulfilling his role.
It takes an endless amount of work for a man to be successful at fulfilling his role in his home, and to society in general.
As men, we are born to serve, period.
We need to become capable in more ways than one to be able to benefit others because that is truly what gives us purpose and fulfillment in life.
There is nothing toxic about wanting to be mentally, physically, and emotionally stronger, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a leader.
The world needs leaders for one simple reason - to get shit done!
This whole conceptualization of men being toxic for wanting to be strong leaders is nothing short of false ideology.
There is no toxic masculinity, just like there is no toxic femininity; there is only toxic behavior.
Anything done to an extreme is going to have negative consequences and this can be seen as toxic.
For example, if I go to the gym and decide to try and bench press 400 pounds like I used to in my early 20s, I would risk getting severely hurt.
The only purpose of me trying to do something that I quite honestly can no longer do, is serve my ego.
That is true toxic behavior - giving in to short term gratification for the purpose of serving your ego.
When you are not taking other people's feelings into consideration or you are not taking the consequences of your actions seriously, then you naturally follow down the path of having toxic behavior patterns.
Narcissism and psychopathy are both toxic behavior characteristics.
Humans develop narcissism and psychopathy from doing one thing - chasing pleasure and fulfilling their short term desires for no-one else's benefit but their own, and this can often be taken to the extreme.
When we see men or women chasing things like lust and short term sexual desires, they do so for egocentric purposes because it makes them feel "good" in that moment.
We obviously know what the long term consequences are for men and women who choose to partake in short term sexual gratification - loneliness.
What I find interesting is how many men on the internet today still trying to defend the fact that it is "okay" for men to sleep around with as many women as they like, and these kinds of men are simply just conforming to their own conformation bias.
We can sit here and Google evidence that supports our conformation bias on the internet all day long, it still doesn't justify poor behavior.
Now, when it comes to sex, men are inherently more aggressive and we have explained why in previous posts.
I do believe it is important for men to be able to get their sexual desires out of their system at a younger age because young men simply do not know any better.
Young men have no rational view or conceptualization of how the world actually works until they reach a certain age.
It is when you see grown men making these arguments that you begin to see the toxicity start to bleed through.
There is simply no excuse for a man over the age of 30 to continue to chase and/or justify other men chasing short term sexual gratification because I would hope by 30, these men would have a rational view of how the world works and how self-control is implied the older we get.
Taking anything to the extreme can cause a severe amount of damage over a long enough time frame.
As humans, we need to be balanced in this regard.
If we take something like dating to the extreme, the more we open ourslves up to disappointment.
If you take work to the extreme, your personal relationships may suffer as a consequence.
If all we do is focus on work, how are we going to have any time for our families?
Again, it is important to understand that with work comes sacrifice, and men who are constantly at work are always going to have to make sacrifices.
This is why it is also important for people to have genuine values in life.
When you value things like genuine friendships and some of the more simple pleasures in life, you realize that balance truly is necessary.
We can be driven towards our goals, in fact, I would highly encourage everyone reading this to find that drive to succeed, but it has to be for a purpose.
If your drive as a man is to become the best possible man that you can become so that you can support a wife and family, then I would say you are on the right path, but just make sure you make time for them because after all, they are the reason why you are driven in the first place.
If your drive as a woman is to be a loving wife and mother to your children, then I would also say you are on the right path, just make sure to love and respect your husband and children.
Taking anything to the extreme can be damaging in other areas of life and it is important to take note that anything can happen at any given moment until the wake up call finally happens.
I have personally taken many things to the extreme and while I may have succeeded for a short period of time, I always find myself at the bottom of the mountain again having to climb back up.
It doesn't matter what mountain it is, whether personally or professionally.
One thing I know about myself is I am not willing to give up on myself or the people that count on me.
It is my duty to protect and to serve, and the more I can equip myself with the knowledge and skills it takes to truly fulfill my purpose, the better off I will be in the long run.
We all have the capability of fulfilling our life's purpose, we just need to get clear and sometimes just live in the moment and appreciate what we have instead of rushing to the extreme.