Regret is like stepping in someone else's chewing gum out in public - you want to get rid of it, but you also don't want to peel it off with your hands because it was in somebody else's mouth, so you just leave it there until the sidewalk hopefully scrapes it off.
Forgive me for my terrible analogy, but the point I was trying to make is that regret is something that many people live with, want to get rid of, and just can't seem to get it off of their minds.
Think about it, have you ever done something or have been a part of something that you wish you hadn't done?
Maybe this one thing sent you into a downward negative spiral and created a sequence of events that have wreaked havoc on your life.
Maybe the thing made sense to you in the moment and when you look back on it, you realize it was the worst possible choice you could have made.
We have all been through this a time or two in our lives because we are humans and we make mistakes.
Coming to grips with our own poor decisions can leave us mentally scarred if we choose to allow the presence of our own ego to come forth and dictate our thoughts and behaviors.
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes because making mistakes is just a part of life.
We simply make decisions based off of the information we are given that makes the most sense to us in that moment.
Now, if you try heroin and become an addict, this was a mistake that could have easily been avoided having never deliberately put yourself in a poor situation.
But for most of the mistakes we make, we make based off of the information we are given at the time that makes the most sense.
It isn't usually until later that more information begins to reveal itself and we begin to regret having made the mistake.
I was watching a recent podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson and his guest, Jocko Willink, discuss this very same issue and it got me thinking.
Jocko described his experience in the military and soldiers that come home having PTSD from things they have experienced.
When Jocko was talking about how some guys feel guilt and regret for things they have experienced, often feeling like they are to blame for some of their brothers not making it home with them, he made a very clear point that in a life or death situation, you make the best choice you could have made given the evidence you had in that moment.
Dr. Peterson replied with a brilliant comment in that those who often regret mistakes they have made must first be able to give themselves the best possible defense to forgive themselves, and move on from regret.
What I find important to extrapolate from this response is that it is indeed important to give yourself the best possible defense in moments of regret, but not so much that you live defensive and all of the sudden become the victim.
It is very easy for people to point fingers at others in times of hardship - this is a natural line of defense.
This is saying "well this person did this to me and this is why I am unhappy", when in all reality, it happened and you simply failed to forgive yourself.
You must be able to seek forgiveness within yourself first in order to move past a state of regret.
It is a matter of understanding that you didn't have all of the information that you needed at the time to make the right decision.
Unfortunately, there are always going to be things in life that are outside our means of control.
We cannot control the thoughts and behaviors of others.
If we feel as though someone has done us wrong, then the only thing we can do is take full accountability as more information rises to the surface, forgive ourselves, and forgive the other person.
I truly do not believe that if we feel wronged by another person, that they did it from a place of malice.
In other words, I do not truly believe that most people who do you wrong do it with hopes of hurting your feelings - they simply made a mistake of their own.
When we live within the constraints of our own ego, our decision making can be blinded solely by what we see in front of us in that moment.
It often isn't until we are able to separate ourselves from our own ego that the information we needed begins to rise to the surface.
Taking a step back and analyzing the situation from a distance will often give us the clarity we needed.
By the time we are able to access this information, it is too late because the decision was already made and it is something we have to live with.
With that being said, this also puts us in a position to be able to learn something, whether it be about ourselves or life in general.
This is exactly why it is important for us to practice forgiveness and we start by forgiving ourselves first.
If we cannot forgive ourselves first, then we will never truly be able to forgive others.
We need to accept that there are some battles that we lost and there will be more battles to lose in the future, but just because we lost the battle, doesn't mean we can't still win the war.