While the title of today's post may be deceiving, I can promise you it is for good reason.
Today, I want to talk about something that I have thought about time and time again and that is difference between purposely hurting someone's feelings, and indirectly hurting someone's feelings.
Given my background being a hockey player, talking shit and friendly banter has always been a part of my lifestyle.
When I get together with my friends, we are always busting each other's balls, calling each other names, and competing against one another in terms of who is going to have the last insult to say before we give up.
I can honestly say I have one friend that it doesn't matter where we are, we will talk shit to each other until every one else around us ears bleed.
In hockey, it was just part of the game to chirp players on the other team to get into their heads.
Lining up on a face-off against the other team and telling the guy you're lining up against that "your mom's pot roast she made me last night isn't sitting well but still isn't going to stop me from beating you to this puck", is all very normal.
While this is a mere example, this is how men are around each other - we talk shit, we banter, we call each other names but we all understand that when it's time to be serious, we are there for one another.
However, when it comes to other people outside of your friends, the trash talk and friendly banter quickly dissipates because not everyone is going to truly understand where you're coming from.
When it comes to other people, you have to be able to take other peoples feelings into consideration.
This is why I believe that as a man, being as polite as humanly possible is your best bet in almost any situation because there is a difference between purposely hurting someone's feelings, and indirectly hurting someone's feelings.
Don't get me wrong, when someone blatantly disrespects you, then you must know how to deal with it by either walking away, or standing up for yourself if it someone you care about that is disrespecting you.
Do NOT ever allow someone to disrespect you and continue to disrespect you.
This is why the internet is so interesting because it is a free-for-all in the sense that people that don't even know each other will sit there and talk shit to one another because they have nothing else better to do.
I am guilty of doing this but I have also learned that some people are so lost inside their own minds that there is no saving them and the internet is a safe place for them because it allows them to express how they feel about themselves without the outside world seeing them.
The difference between hurting someone's feelings on purpose, and indirectly hurting someone's feelings is pretty straight forward.
When you hurt someone's feelings on purpose, you are acting out in a place of malice in hopes that person is going to feel bad about themselves for ever trying to make you feel bad about whatever the thing is that drove you to the point of telling them off.
When you hurt someone's feelings indirectly, it is not coming from a place of malice or poor intent, it is a matter of speaking your two cents to someone by expressing what you see as truth and end up hurting their feelings as a result.
You can guess the difference here is the intention behind the action.
One way, your intention is poor and selfish, and the other the intent is coming from a logical or heart-felt place, especially if you care about the person.
Intention, like in everything else, is going to determine whether you hurting someone's feelings was on purpose, or if it was indirect.
If you are a man that lives by certain principles, you have to understand that not everyone is going to agree with you and oftentimes, will hurt people's feelings as a result of the things you say, believe in, and your quality of life.
A man that lives by his own principles and lives by his word is a trustworthy man because he is not afraid of hurting people's feelings and he understands that not everyone is going to understand him, but he isn't purposely trying to make anyone else feel bad for being who they are.
When people are highly insecure, their feelings will get hurt much easier, even if you were not intending on hurting their feelings.
Just being who you are will hurt some peoples feelings and that is okay.
I have hurt the feelings of people that I care about unintentionally before and while it may not have felt good, it wasn't out of malice or bad intentions.
If you can explain your truth to someone and their feelings get hurt as a result, it is different than going out of your way to hurt someone intentionally.
Sometimes, you may never get to explain your truth and that is okay because some people truly do not want you to be a part of their lives.
You have to accept that not everyone you meet is going to want you to be a part of their lives.
A man that lives by his truth understands that he is going to hurt people's feelings sometimes and he accepts that not everyone is going to understand him.
You cannot be afraid to hurt the feelings of someone you care about by speaking your truth because if it is truth, it is most likely something they need to hear.
You also cannot be afraid to hurt others feelings for being who you are and living by certain life principles that not everyone is going to understand.
When people see something that you have that they want, their feelings will naturally get hurt out of insecurity they have for themselves.
The more confident you are as a person, the less your feelings will ever get hurt by someone else.
Do not be a prick and intentionally going through life being an asshole and hurting people's feelings.
Instead, you should be able to inspire others by being a man of principle and understand that some peoples feelings will get hurt just for you being who you are, how you think, and what you believe.
Understand that not everyone is going to want to hear what you have to say and that is okay because if your intention is pure, the people that value your authenticity will stick around you because you continue to prove to them and prove to yourself that you are who you say that you are.
We all make mistakes and end up hurting people unintentionally but as long as you continue to stay true to who you are, the people that value you will be there.