The topic of today's blog is on something that I have absolutely no experience in but it is often something that I think about.
I am extremely observant when I talk to people. I notice the things people say and the things that people do without them even being aware of it.
I have friends that are married, some of which have been married for quite some time now.
One thing that I notice when I am talking to people who are together is that to me, it is easy to tell when two people are actually in love or not.
Some of my friends have parents that have been married for over 30 years and you can tell the difference between true love and "love" by today's standards.
When I am in the presence of two people in love it is obvious to me that they would go to battle with one another. They know they aren't perfect but there is no one on the planet they would rather not be perfect with.
Today, there is less of that...
I have friends that are genuinely in love and I have known it from the time I met them that they would go to battle with one another.
I also know people that think they're in love and can't even stand to be around each other.
I think as a man, the most important thing to look for when choosing a wife is choosing a woman you would go to battle with.
By today's standards, this is much harder to come by than the days of old because of the influence of entitlement culture.
Life is almost never going to be easy and I believe choosing the woman that stands by her man at the lowest points in his life because she believes in him is the kind of woman that every man genuinely needs.
The problem is most people in the Western world are completely entitled and I believe this is a direct correlation to the divorce rate being so high.
When you really take a step back and look at it from an outsiders perspective, I believe it is relatively simple to understand - people do not value things of genuine substance.
Men love the idea of being with beautiful women but the question then becomes, will that woman be there when he hits rock bottom? Today, I believe most would say "no" just because women know that if they can't get what they are looking for from their man, they can find it from someone else, which is true!
The question then becomes, what are men and women really looking for?
In entitlement culture, it is obvious both men and women are looking for things for the wrong reasons and I think it is a matter of people looking for and choosing the things they want, instead of the things that they need.
It is obvious that many women want the lifestyle, they want the man with the yacht, they want the attention, but is that what she needs?
It is obvious that men want the beautiful woman, they want the trophy wife, they want a woman that physically makes him look good, but is that what he needs?
In my opinion, true love is when two people recognize that they both bring out the best in one another and they decide to work to continue to bring the best out of one another.
To me, what someone needs is the person that brings the absolute best out of them. Who gives a shit about what you think you want? Because what you want today is going to be different from what you want 20 years from now.
The real question is, what are you willing to work for?
The things you want in life should be a bonus for the things you have worked for. This simple principle is something that I live by in that I must work to earn things of genuine value.
What I have seen in my life is that when people chase the people that they want, they never truly end up fulfilled - chasing pleasure is the quickest path to destruction.
Real love and connection is something that is built over time.
I would argue that if you are with someone and they aren't inspiring you and supporting you in becoming the best version of yourself, then what is the point of being with them? To me, this is just time wasted.
This brings me to my next point in that I believe that for someone else to be able to bring the best out of you, you must first focus on bringing the best out of yourself.
Bringing the best out of yourself is something everyone should want because that is truly what everyone needs.
If a woman is broken, it is not a man's job to try and save her from her own self-destruction. She must genuinely want to help herself before any man could ever provide anything of genuine substance for her.
The same ranks true for men in that a woman is not responsible for making sure her man is being a man.
Sure, both must hold each other accountable as I see this as part of building a foundation of a relationship, but both must already hold themselves accountable for their own thoughts and actions first.
I think when it comes to a man choosing a wife, his intentions must be pure and he must be driven for something greater.
If a man is already driven to do something with his life, the right woman can only add to it.
If a man is spending all of his time trying to please a woman that is broken because she does not want to help herself, he will eventually lose sight of the things that were driving him and end up wasting his potential. As I stated above, it is not a man's job to save a woman who does not wish to be saved.
What I have found through my life experience is that the two worst things that a man could do is: chase a woman, or try and save a woman from herself.
It is simple, if a woman proves to you that she is worth your time, then you do everything in your power to protect her. With that being said, you must first establish your boundaries and truly understand what is and what isn't worth your time.
Ladies, the same ranks true for you when it comes to choosing a good man. A good man will prove to you that he has what it takes to protect you if you are a good fit for him. This doesn't go without saying that your intentions must be pure as well.
If you're a woman and you are only looking at what a man can do for you, then no man will ever be good enough. The idea of leaving your options open because you are not confident in who you are is exactly what will keep a good man from wanting to be with you.
This all goes back to my original point in that both men and women need to choose the person that truly brings out the best in one another - but first, they must work to bring the best out of themselves.
When a man finds the right woman, there is no limit as to what he is capable of achieving - I know this to be true because I have seen it.
When a woman finds the right man, she will truly be able to live in her feminine and be confident in that she can get the best out of her man which will in turn, bring the best out of her.
This is often something I think about even though I am just an outsider looking in.
I do believe true love exists and I believe that is what most people want.
I think that if people were willing to work for the things to bring the best out of themselves, they will be able to provide an endless amount of value to someone else.