In yesterdays post, we discussed the benefits of having a strong sense of charm and how one can work on developing charm.
Charm is a beneficial quality for someone to possess because it allows one to be seen as polite and pleasant to be around.
We also alluded to the fact that charm can also be used as a form of manipulation in the wrong hands.
A master manipulator understands the benefits of having a strong sense of charm and has the ability to use it in order to gain an advantage over someone else.
By having charm, one obtains the ability to draw people in and make people want to be around them.
Being pleasant and personable makes it easier for others to let their guard down when having human interaction, making it easier for us to accept the story others present us with.
By looking at it in this light, we can begin to see how deceiving charm can really be in the wrong hands.
Referring back to our recent posts on narcissism, we understand that we are all narcissists to some degree and our level of narcissism depends on the amount of validation we are seeking from others.
The manipulator lies on the deep end of the narcissism scale.
Their constant seek of approval and validation from others makes it easier for them to portray a version of themselves in which seems pleasant, while their true intentions often being misleading.
The question then becomes: how can one identify the manipulator versus someone who is naturally charming?
The first thing to look for is how they handle attention from others.
With modern technology and the use of social media, we can make more educated assumptions as to the natural character of this person based off of what they display to the public.
You need to ask yourself “how badly does this person want attention?”
Are they constantly out and about partying and meeting random people in random places?
Or are they more reserved and ambitious on building a genuine future for themselves?
The manipulator can easily use charm to get something out of you that they want.
Maybe its sex, maybe its money, or maybe they are just seeking your attention.
The manipulator often resides in having a hedonistic mindset - constantly seeking out short term gratification.
A persons need and pursuit of short term gratification can be a clear indicator that the person you are dealing with may just be trying to woo you.
In a first encounter with someone, it is hard to tell whether someone is seeking out short term gratification or if they are truly being genuine.
This is why it is important to not give too much of yourself away too soon.
By giving away too much too soon, it opens the door for you to be manipulated.
This doesn’t mean that a manipulator can’t wait for whatever they want from you, but are less likely to wait when they want something in the moment.
Manipulation creates foggy waters and I would argue that we all need to experience what a manipulator looks like to better strategize a way around them in the future.
This doesn’t go without mentioning that you also need to reflect on your own state of being when you were in the presence of a manipulator.
We often forget that we allow people to manipulate us and we allowed that person into our lives for a reason.
We have to think back to where were mentally when we attracted the manipulator and what stage of our lives we were in.
Moving forward, understand that having a strong sense of charm is a genuine and respectable quality to possess, but can also be misleading in the wrong hands.
Understand the difference and use charm to promote kindness.
With pure intentions comes a pure heart.