A question that I see come up pretty often is: can men and women just be friends with one another?
This is an interesting question because like anything, I believe there are layers to this question.
First, I think one needs to ask themselves what true friendship means to them. To me, there is a difference between friends and acquaintances.
Real friends are people that know everything about you - they are the ones that you typically go running to for support when shit hits the fan.
Real friends have been there time and time again throughout your life and continue to show you support because they have your genuine best interests at heart.
Real friends will hold you accountable because they want to see you win. They might not tell you everything that you want to hear all of the time, but they will never make it a point to bring you down - they will only want to lift you up.
A "friend" that does nothing but bring you down, is no real friend. On the flip side, a "friend" that does nothing but tell you everything that you want to hear, is no real friend - these are acquaintances.
One must be able to distinguish the difference between real friends and acquaintances.
Acquaintances are ones that people can typically be friendly with, but not fully put their trust into.
These are people that maybe you can meet out at a bar for a beer, share some funny stories with each other, and then go about your separate ways.
In simple terms, acquaintances are people you are friendly with, but they aren't the ones that you look to for genuine support - they are who they are; nothing more, nothing less.
So, can men and women truly just be friends?
It is interesting when you bring the opposite sexes into the equation because typically, one would think there has been some sort of sexual encounter between the two that are friends.
I believe this is true to a degree. The reason why I say this is because I have one true friend that is a woman that I have no sexual attraction to - she is one of my best friends.
This friend knows a lot about me because our personalities are quite similar in many ways and I know that I can trust her with things that I tell her.
But, this is the thing that women need to understand about men - men are always going to go right to thinking about how many of her friends the woman has slept with if all of her closest friends are men.
To a degree, I am sure a woman is thinking the same thing if she hears that a man has nothing but female friends.
A mans mind is always going to go right to sex every time. This is why it is a turn-off for men to sit there and listen to a woman talk about all of the places shes been to all around the world, the people she knows, etc. - the only thing the man is thinking about is how many men she has been to these places with.
I approach this question from a different angle.
The truth is, if I am interested in a woman, chances are there are other men that are interested in her as well - especially if she is an attractive woman.
If a woman that I am interested in tells me that all of her closest friends are men, I am 100% thinking about why. In my mind, that tells me that there is a lack of self-confidence that she has towards men. It is one thing to value a mans opinion on something, but it's another to ONLY value a mans opinion on everything that isn't your man.
I understand why a woman would value a mans opinion on things because men typically wont bullshit you. Good men will tell you like it is without having any emotional motivation behind their answer.
Women on the other hand, are different.
I understand that women can be very mean to each other because lets be honest, women get jealous - they simply don't like to see other women win sometimes.
When it comes to men and women being friends, I think we need to look at it from both sides.
If you are a woman and a man tells you that he has all female friends, meanwhile he sits there and likes all of their bikini pictures on Instagram because they are his "friends", how is that going to make you feel? Probably not very good.
It is senseless for a man to have all of these female "friends" because women cannot offer friendship to a man the way other men offer friendship men. The bond between two men is a pact, it is a brotherhood - these are men you go to battle with and are prepared to die with.
Men will not find this type of friendship with too many women. Can it be done? Sure, under certain circumstances without any sort of sexual motivation or sexual history, I believe these types of friendships can exist - they are rare.
But one thing women need to take note of is the reason why it is a red flag to men for a woman to only have male friends - men know how other men are. Under the right circumstances, a man will still try to pursue you regardless if he claims to be your best friend or not.
Let's be honest, if you are an attractive female and your best friend is a man, he has never not once thought about not having sex with you. If he had the opportunity, the probability of him trying to capitalize on that opportunity is much higher than you would expect, regardless if he is just your "friend" - this is just how men are programmed.
I noted earlier that if a woman that I am interested in told me all of her best friends were men, I would question as to why this was the case, and would most likely conclude it is because she lacks self-confidence when it comes to men to a degree.
Simply put, she has been let down by enough men that she only values the opinions of other men.
To me, self-confidence and self-accountability are the most important traits that a female could possess. The reason why I say this is because if a woman can hold herself accountable and live up to her own standards, then she will hold me accountable if I am fucking up, and vice versa - this is part of being a team.
If a woman has acquaintances that are men, I personally don't see a problem with it because she simply doesn't value their opinions to the degree she values her closest friends opinions.
However, if there is sexual history with these acquaintances, as a man, you must be able to identify this as a red flag and move on. Simply put, a woman that truly respects you won't give any attention to men she has been with in her past.
Her past is her past and she must be able to have that respect for herself to leave her past in the past, if she is ever going to respect you.
The reason I view it in this manner is because I keep such a small circle of true friends. I have all but a few people that truly know the real me and I keep it that way for a reason.
It is important to be able to identify when someone with pure intentions truly has your best interest at heart - whether it is a man or a woman.
Surrounding yourself with people that will hold you accountable and hold you to a higher standard are the kinds of people that want to see you win.
People that bring you down or tell you to settle for what you can get do NOT have your best interests at heart.
Real friends will lift you up and be there for you time and time again, while your acquaintances continue to move on with their lives.