How many times have you done something out of desperation and have regretted it?
I believe most people today live in a constant state of desperation - whether it's finding the right job, finding love, trying to make money etc.
The problem with being desperate is that it closes you off energetically to the things that you want because you are relying on your own insecurities.
Acting off of your own insecurities will block anything pure from being able to come into your life without pure intentions.
I have been desperate many times in my life whether it was staying with a girl I shouldn't have been with, pursuing another girl that was clearly not a good fit for me, or being desperate with finding the right job.
The truth is, I have learned that doing anything in life out of pure desperation has done nothing but make me feel like I wasted my time - this is partly why I am the way that I am because I hate wasting time and as soon as I feel like I am wasting my time, it's time to find something or someone else that does suit my spirit.
It is important to note that just because something feels like it was a waste of time, there is something to be learned from it at the end of the day. One needs to become hyper aware of the lesson they learned so that they don't put themselves back into the same position over and over again - you MUST learn your lesson.
It has taken me some time to come to grips with the fact that doing things out of desperation is a selfish mindset - meanwhile, doing things with pure intentions is a selfless mindset.
We have discussed before about the differences with being selfish and selfless.
To a degree, one has to be selfish to get to where they want to go in life, but for the benefit of everyone around them - that is the pure intention behind the selfless act.
I think a lot of times, people get caught up in the victim mindset of "why does this always happen to me?", "why do I keep getting cheated on?", "I deserve better than this!" - yet, no one does anything about it. I am guilty of it just like anyone else!
Everyone deserves to have a good life! The problem is, people experience trauma, they develop insecurities as a result, and their own insecurities drive their decision making.
I wrote an entire blog post on dating apps and people using them solely out of their own desperation and insecurities (August 8, 2023).
There are many people on dating apps that only use them because their confidence has been shot down and buried into the ground. Chances are, most of the people on dating apps have made poor decisions in terms of having a partner in their past. They end up in this cycle of "there are no good men/women out there", and end up trying to settle for anything they can get that remotely fits this new mental model they have in their brain of what they think true love is or is supposed to be like.
The best thing anyone can do is have standards for themselves and be able to live up to their own standards - this is fundamental to building confidence.
While you may think you have high standards, if you keep ending up in a cycle of dating losers on your pursuit to find love, it is because there is a part of you that isn't living up to your own standards and convictions.
You must be able to identify the part of you that is missing and focus on what you need to do to bring yourself up to par with your own standards.
This is why self-realization and self-accountability is the first step to dealing with your own insecurities.
Doing things out of desperation because you are insecure that you are not where you think you are supposed to be is going to leave you in a constant state of anxiety - constantly anxious wondering when the right opportunity is going to come along.
I have spent a large portion of my life in this constant state of anxiety. While it may not seem like it from an outsiders perspective, the thought of me not being where I want to be in my life dwells on my subconscious because it is often something that I think about, even to this day.
But one thing that I can say is that I have had enough time alone to think about and analyze my own insecurities from every angle one could imagine possible. I know why I am the way that I am, I know why the things that have happened to me in my life happened to me, and I take full responsibility for all of it.
I have felt desperate to find love many times in my life and while all I truly want is to have a loyal wife and build a family with her, I also realize that I am right where I need to be.
By me focusing on becoming the best possible version of myself, the right woman will present herself and I believe it will be evident. The matter of pursuing the right woman wouldn't even be a question - it just is.
I truly don't believe anyone should be desperate to find love because all they do is shield themselves off from being able to attract genuine love and loyalty.
I think it is a matter of understanding that you are right where you need to be, and doing the things necessary to elevate yourself and your level of consciousness so that you can open yourself up to the right opportunity.
The absolute worst thing anyone could do is lower their standards out of an act of desperation.
If you are an attractive person, do you really think dating less attractive people is going to solve the problem? Do you genuinely believe that lowering your standards because you can't live up to your own is going to solve your problem? - genuine question...
If you're a man and you have a dream and a plan on how to accomplish it, are you going to lower your standards for some chick who doesn't believe in you or support your dream because you're desperate to find love? Absolutely fucking not!!!
If you're a woman and you just want a loyal husband that will be a good father to your children, are you really going to settle for some city boy bullshit because he may have deceived you by giving you a false sense of security? I would hope not.
Elevate yourself, elevate your state of being, and practice self-mastery if you ever plan on being truly fulfilled in life.
Do things out of the purity of your heart, for the benefit of others so that you can suit your own spirit.
Pure intentions and focused work will beat desperation every time.
You either prepare for the opportunity, or you prepare to fail - the choice is yours.